Surgery?

So...my original "kind of doctor" i was always going to be was a surgeon.

Then for a while I was like "no...emergency medicine"
Then I would just tell people "either emergency medicine or surgery"

lately I've been feeling almost COMPELLED towards surgery. I don't know why, I've just heard a lot about it recently, a bunch of little reasons I can't really enumerate just make me lean towards surgery.
I've decided that though residency may be longer and more difficult, post-residency lifestyle has a much greater potential to be more lifestyle-friendly.  I've decided I would never get sick of cutting people open but I might get sick of the really stupid things people sometimes come into the ER for. And the thing I like most about the ER is trauma...and if you want to do trauma, you have to be a surgeon.  Yesterday I found a new blog by a surgeon who has done several short trips to mission hospitals with doctors without borders (or "Medicens sans frontieres" as they're called in the rest of the world) and just had awesome stories about doing surgery there. You make an much more radical and much more instant change in someone's life when you operate.

So right now I'm on a surgery kick.
For this week at least.

It's a good thing I have a long time before I have to decide, and that I will get to spend a while pretending to be each during med school so I can make an educated decision. Reminding myself of that is the only way I can silence my "i need to know EVERYTHING" brain whenever it decides its time to hash out all the pros and cons.

The problem is I can't even decide whether some things are a pro or a con. I also can't decide which specialty has a better *insert any number of characteristics here*. I am fully capable of convincing myself of whichever one I want to be convinced of this week, only to dismiss all that and be gung-ho towards the other a few days later. Then next month I'm back where I was before.

I think my brain keeps doing that because it thinks it's fun. I honestly think it enjoys this back-and-forth...because this thought process inevitably sends me to the internet looking for blogs or articles or whatever, on surgery or EM and my brain LOVES reading that stuff.

And so I enable it. Because my brain is me, and so I love reading that stuff too.